"We're not dead yet!"

A Provo High freshman boy knocked on our door Wednesday night preaching that if we signed up for The Daily Herald to be delivered daily for only $8 a month we would be helping him pay for college. It was a good thing I answered the door and not Jessica. I was sold on two things; 1- This kid had a green Taking Back Sunday shirt on (a sure sign of trustworthiness and sincere academic aspirations)and 2- I am a communications major...maybe I should know what's going on...and support the printed word... Maybe.

*WE INTERPUT THIS BLOG FOR A SPECIAL NEWS UPDATE*
Two local girls, Jessica and Cecily Lemmon, are in critical condition after doctors pronounced that they are moving into the final stages of Wehatehomeworkandtestsandcoldweatheritis, or what is more commonly known as Spring Fever. These sisters are locally respected runners and recent winners of Provo's prestigious Cereal Eating Contest.
Long time and close friend Randy Punjap informed us that Jessica and Cecily have always struggled with Early Onset Senioritis, "Some day they is coming home to the house and never doings the study. They is always with the electronies and the laughings and singings. I always is saying 'You go nowhere! You do nothing!' But they is listening never" Randy said.
Studies have shown that the increasing threat of Spring Fever infects one in five young adults yearly. Researchers have yet to find a cure, but early warning signs inlude procrastination or neglect of homework, slow reaction time to alarm clocks, slurred speech when speaking on subjects of academia, irritability, loss of hearing in class, drowsiness when stationary for extended periods of time, increased attraction to outdoors and sunlight, uncontrollable staring out of windows, and when indoors in a constant unresponive state of lethargy. If your child is experiencing severe diarrhea, consult your doctor immediately.
In honor of Jessica and Cecily the community will be gathering at local Provo River Trail Skatepark, for a candlelight vigil and prayer circle on Friday night at 7:00 p.m. Skating to follow.
*NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BLOG*

I mean, it would be nice to be "in the know" about local news. Maybe then Jess and I would have been informed that it is no longer safe to park in your own parking garage, "I am shocked and disgusted at the increased levels of Gadianton Robber behavior in Provo" (quote generously provided by Mom). It's always nice to wake up to the news that 19 cars have been broken into and stolen from. That's okay, perhaps now that the crime has been committed, we will simply follow the hard hitting investigative journalism that is sure to follow. And we'll surely join the facebook group "The LPGW" (Lanai Parking Garage Watch) that is bound to be created. Luckily, we don't keep many valuables in our cars. Jess has some loli-pops and her library card, and mine has...trash. Oh yeah there's a cowboy hat in the trunk too. Please, somebody steal that.

On the plus side, now Jess doesn't even have to roll down the window to catch a little Spring Fever.

The Law of Ten Percent

Parents spend a great deal of time trying to teach their children certain values, showering them at every opportunity with golden nuggets of wisdom that they’ve picked up along their own journey through life, in hopes that the stupid mongrels, who just hung their sister off a tree branch to play piñata, might amount to something more than drunken convicts.

Despite our uncanny ability to zone out during most of these blessed teaching opportunities, a few important lessons have stuck with us… Mother is always right, if you want to continue to breathe outside air and feel the warmth of the sun… If you throw your sandwiches away at school, someone will find out… The mother phone tree should never be underestimated… Life is always better with a bowl of ice cream… But the bit of instruction that has really come to be an integral part of our lives is what we call the 10% rule. The basic principle of this rule is that any story you tell need only contain 10% truth. The other 90% is pretty much whatever the heck else you want it to be. We have yet to determine if this rule falls into the category of literary devices such as hyperbole, apostrophe, tenpercentole… or if it is more of a scientific law, a thermodynamic measurement of how much we’ll burn in hell.

Needless to say, it has come in handy in numerous situations. From the justification of class II criminal offenses, to excusals from school, to possibly its most essential use, writing research papers. It saved me once when I was about five and had the urge to spank baby Cecily’s diapered bum. I threw all my five-year-old muscle and might into that smack. Of course the kid had to start crying and then mom had to come running in and well… you can see where this is going… When asked what happened, I confidently responded that, “I came in here and she just started crying.” At least ten percent of that response was completely accurate. I came in the room and Cecily did start crying. And that’s how it works. We’ll leave more recent examples out of it.

So, why are we telling you all this? This our official warning to you that anything that appears on this blog may only contain 10% truth. If you happen to be included in any of our entries and feel that we are misrepresenting you or your life, we apologize but urge you to keep in mind our standards. Raise the bar. Raise the bar?

why deal with the peel?

basically we just like to hear ourselves talk... or make people read the junk we write. plus, we are fairly convinced that we're funny.

life ambitions include, but are not limited to: winning community road race prizes (bring on those triple xl t-shirts), writing childrens books and whatever the heck else we want, owning large cereal dispensers (such as the one found in school cafeterias and hotel continental breakfasts), and building a theme park in the backyard we don't have yet.

when we were kids we published a popular newspaper, you may have heard of it, The Lemmon Times. Met by immense success and a plethora of positive reviews from the literary community, The Lemmon Times fostered new writing endeavors, "Birthday poems for Mom", "The Diaries of Junior High Angst", and "What I wish I'd Known Before I Met Coach Shane: Advice for Aspiring Runners and Falcons", just to name a few. Now, back by popular demand, the subtle but succulent writing styles of The Lemmon Sisters will be posted here, peel by peel, for your viewing pleasure.

so, sit back and become part of the magic. it's magic harry!